I feel deeply unsatisfied! I’m starting to make peace with this innate feeling of unsatisfaction — not only to obliterate the guilt that accompanies it but also to embrace & possibly exploit it.
If I were to describe this feeling in more detail, I would say it felt like an unlimited-kilometre sprint. For as long as I remember, I’ve always had this feeling of deep dissatisfaction. As soon as I hit one goal, in the exact instance, I hit the goal, I start thinking and taking actionable steps towards achieving some more prestigious variation of the goal I just hit. While, It isn’t the worst attribute — persistently querying yourself on what next, It definitely gets exhausting and leaves you feeling deeply unsatisfied.
While mindlessly scrolling through Instagram earlier today, I came across the profile of a former classmate from high school. We had similar interests at the time. It was nice to see he was doing well and still pursuing his interest. He seemed genuinely happy — Not in the superficial “instagrammy” way but genuinely satisfied. An admittedly flawed litmus test I do internally to observe if someone gets satisfaction from what they do is to observe if they have obvious fun doing what they do when the activity is not financially-rewarding or has no direct path to financial profitability. A few minutes after scrolling through videos on his page I got to introspecting — I asked myself the question, Will I ever get to this seemingly “Zen” state of satisfaction?
I did talk about a feeling of guilt that I experience alongside the feeling of dissatisfaction. I believe while feeling unsatisfied, I feel guilty about coming across as being ungrateful for whatever feat I have achieved.
But I’m starting to realize that this feeling of dissatisfaction is not a flaw, it’s a natural part of the human condition. It’s the driving force behind our constant desire for improvement and growth. And perhaps, rather than trying to eliminate this feeling, we should learn to embrace it and use it to our advantage.
In many ways, dissatisfaction can be seen as a blessing in disguise. It keeps us on our toes, constantly pushing us to do better and strive for greater things. It keeps us from becoming complacent and complacently accepting the status quo. But of course, there is a fine line between healthy dissatisfaction and unhealthy dissatisfaction. When we let dissatisfaction consume us, it can lead to a never-ending cycle of frustration and disappointment. We may start to see everything in our lives as inadequate, no matter how much we achieve or how hard we try. This can lead to feelings of inadequacy, self-doubt, and even depression. So how do we strike a balance between the positive and negative aspects of dissatisfaction? I believe the key is to approach dissatisfaction with a sense of curiosity and self-awareness. Rather than letting it overwhelm us, we can use it as a tool to examine our goals and values and to make sure that they align with our true desires and passions. By doing this, we can use dissatisfaction as a guide, pointing us in the direction of our true calling and helping us to find fulfilment and satisfaction in our lives. And while we may never fully eradicate the feeling of dissatisfaction, we can learn to live with it and even use it to our advantage.
[This post has been lying in my drafts, uncompleted for a couple of weeks, Thanks to our friendly neighbourhood LLM, ChatGPT who wrote the last four paragraphs, I can now publish this. I intend to publish another post, with an actual human ending, in the meantime, enjoy]